Something Like Goodbye

See Ya

Goodbyes used to be detrimental events. We'd hide from our parents at the end of a play-date just to keep it going a little while longer. I know I'd come up with all kinds of excuses as to why every night was a need for a sleepover! But all play-dates come to an end and the little goodbyes that are only "see you tomorrow" hurt a lot. It could have been my hyperactive childhood I had that never allowed me to sleep, but nights were the worst. I'd think of all the fun games I could be playing with my friends and how the time between goodbye and hello again seemed so stupidly long. Those goodbyes were very small. I didn't know that until I had to say the real ones.

Way back then, when it only took minutes to make friends.

Until We Meet Again...?

My first move brought on the first round of real goodbyes the "I may possibly and most likely never see you again", goodbyes. Yeah, those ones suck the most. That term "Ugly Crier" my picture would be perfect for the dictionary definition. My eyes swell up red and my whole face takes on a strong resemblance of a lobster. I remember huddling with friends in the backyard, beside my favorite swing-set cry, cry, crying.  This pain was beyond the pain I'd felt when my hamster Gussy died. And the tears, oh the burning tears would not flipping stop! Hiccuping my way to the airport, that was the first lesson of Goodbye. I was only getting started.

Holding on because we can't let go.

Never goodbye's, just a lot of love and reunion plans.

Professional Leaver

Years later. With so many moves, so many homes and so many goodbyes, I'd consider myself fairly good at leaving. Each time in a good/bad way, it's gotten easier. Does that mean I'm less sentimental or even heartless (Maybe it's that annoying "growing up" nonsense that everyone talks about) Either way the tears become smaller and the pain less... painful. I feel guilty when I'm hugging goodbyes and my usual lobster tears don't surface. I can just feel it, when I know this isn't the last goodbye. People have so many different paths. I mean we go everywhere, do everything, we are amazing beings. I just can't bring myself to believe in this great big world of choices and coincidences, that I'll never see the people who mean so much to me now.

Years apart and this Squad remains stronger than ever.

The Reunion and The Rekindling

"Fate is a fickle mistress", well she has brought me all over the place. More often than not she brings me to the places I've been missing, in the best cases, into the arms the ones I've been missing. Each time those goodbyes seem to disappear easily, buried in the hugs and laughs stitch years apart, together. Saying goodbye so much has made me a ok with the idea of leaving. Maybe I've gotten tougher or something. Or maybe I finally realize that there is something on the other side of goodbye. A distant but not so far away "Hello"

World Traveler Edition 1

Travel Journalism

I have always wanted to make one of these. Pinterest, instagram, travel blogs galore are flooded with these homemade journals. They outline people's amazing travel experiences in ticket stubs, post cards, used napkins and the good ole' "Dear Journal". So I thought heck I'm going to Spain that should be enough adventure to earn a book! And I began. Like this blog it has been really hard coming up with ideas, do I write in it? draw in it? put chewed up gum in it? Yeah I found this on a Barcelona street bench woo hoo! Of all the internet trolling I had done, the advice that stuck with me the most was, make it memorable, make it worth it, make it yours. And I am so ashamed that I can't remember where I found these good words, but they definitely set me on the right track. With a few trial pages I started to get a feel for what I wanted this mixed-up-journal-sketch-scrap-book to be. So here I give you the early beginnings of "World Traveler" (Or Welcome To the Wild Mind of Tanika Santos.. the first one just seemed more professional).

Practice Page 1 : A Messy Mix Up

With this first page I just let myself junk it up and hope for some artistic inspiration to sweep up the mess. Well I did manage to junk it up. My "Pocket of Positivity" holds the secrets to happiness- kinda. I filled it will inspirational quotes about travel :D love <3 and life * (that's my figurative sun). The rest was a process of writing prettily, tearing it up and gluing it back together (another figurative image of life ;)) I'm so good at the figurative thing I even managed to give a ROLO's wrapper meaning :

Memories are like Rolo's.

We savor them.

Absorbing as much feeling, 

until it melts away.

But even when it's gone, 

the sweetness still lingers.

Flipping poetry, I know! haha only kidding :) Despite a messy beginning as I always seem to have, this page sparked some ideas for more pages to come. 

Page 2 (featuring the sweet notes from Breaking Down The Walls 2013)

This page got my juices flowing a little more. That morning I received as always a pile of college pamphlets and letters STUDY WITH US! Your future is calling! WE HAVE PAINTBALL!!! One did manage to catch my eye, not for the "bright future I had on their campus" but for the four simple words Your Journey Begins Here. It seemed like "here" meant the kitchen counter I was sitting on at the moment, here meant the anxiousness of waiting to receive my host family, here meant now. The picture, Our students travel to 32 different countries on semester long exchanges. Kaitlyn, 19 taking in the beautiful view of South Africa. They really were talking to me.

Pages in the middle : Doodles and Such

With these pages I found myself sitting outside and thinking without thinking. Some call it meditation, but really I just sit outside and occasionally draw stuff, or write stuff or shout at annoying geese. (No peaceful meditaty would shout at birds).

Page 8 : The Real Traveler Stuff

 I love these pages because they just look nice! I started on the left by drawing Spain so I could have an idea of where the cities were. (Not perfectly to scale but pretty snazzy huh?) I did some girlish travel doodles and left space thinking I'd fill it with actual travel stories. But then I got too excited! I have many lists, bucket lists, travel lists, travel-bucket lists (My favorite!) so I added some of them instead. Hopefully this will be a checked page by the end of the year because I know it'll be all checks before I kick it.

My

Pamplona 

Pages

I will have many more of these to come. They mostly outline my excitement for Spain, the city and my new life, even with some fears (shhhhh)

So that's what I've got so far. My journal is like me, an open book (there I go again with the figurative language) Hope you liked the little trip into my "Semi-artsy-definitely-crazy-mind"

See You Soon!