Sunday, August 3, 2014

Something Like Goodbye

See Ya

Goodbyes used to be detrimental events. We'd hide from our parents at the end of a play-date just to keep it going a little while longer. I know I'd come up with all kinds of excuses as to why every night was a need for a sleepover! But all play-dates come to an end and the little goodbyes that are only "see you tomorrow" hurt a lot. It could have been my hyperactive childhood I had that never allowed me to sleep, but nights were the worst. I'd think of all the fun games I could be playing with my friends and how the time between goodbye and hello again seemed so stupidly long. Those goodbyes were very small. I didn't know that until I had to say the real ones.

Way back then, when it only took minutes to make friends.

Until We Meet Again...?

My first move brought on the first round of real goodbyes the "I may possibly and most likely never see you again", goodbyes. Yeah, those ones suck the most. That term "Ugly Crier" my picture would be perfect for the dictionary definition. My eyes swell up red and my whole face takes on a strong resemblance of a lobster. I remember huddling with friends in the backyard, beside my favorite swing-set cry, cry, crying.  This pain was beyond the pain I'd felt when my hamster Gussy died. And the tears, oh the burning tears would not flipping stop! Hiccuping my way to the airport, that was the first lesson of Goodbye. I was only getting started.

Holding on because we can't let go.
Never goodbye's, just a lot of love and reunion plans.

Professional Leaver

Years later. With so many moves, so many homes and so many goodbyes, I'd consider myself fairly good at leaving. Each time in a good/bad way, it's gotten easier. Does that mean I'm less sentimental or even heartless (Maybe it's that annoying "growing up" nonsense that everyone talks about) Either way the tears become smaller and the pain less... painful. I feel guilty when I'm hugging goodbyes and my usual lobster tears don't surface. I can just feel it, when I know this isn't the last goodbye. People have so many different paths. I mean we go everywhere, do everything, we are amazing beings. I just can't bring myself to believe in this great big world of choices and coincidences, that I'll never see the people who mean so much to me now.

Years apart and this Squad remains stronger than ever.

The Reunion and The Rekindling

"Fate is a fickle mistress", well she has brought me all over the place. More often than not she brings me to the places I've been missing, in the best cases, into the arms the ones I've been missing. Each time those goodbyes seem to disappear easily, buried in the hugs and laughs stitch years apart, together. Saying goodbye so much has made me a ok with the idea of leaving. Maybe I've gotten tougher or something. Or maybe I finally realize that there is something on the other side of goodbye. A distant but not so far away "Hello"

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